26 September 2017

7 Trash Things Men do in Their Tinder Profiles

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MEN ARE TOO LAZY ON THEIR TINDER PROFILES AND IT'S UPSETTING

Who's shocked that I have deleted and redownloaded and deleted Tinder too frequently this year? I'm not. It’s a toxic cesspool but it's just such a fun thing to do to pass the time. Mind you, this isn't time I have much of but it's getting passed all the same.
At this point, I’ve accepted that I’ll never go on a Tinder date (the jury is still out on dates of any kind as well) because of the calibre of man on the app. But I'm still swiping because of self-fucking-sabotage. 
I take offence to badly constructed Tinder profiles because I've made an effort in mine. My pictures are recent and I have pictures with my vbo and chins. Even in my profile text I mention that I'm probably taller than them and fatter irl. Whereas I'm lucky if  I see a picture that's in focus.

These are some of the trash things I've seen on men's profiles on Tinder and I question why I'm still downloading the app less than a week after a deletion. 

Be white
White men make me so nervous as a collective. And, in my time swiping on Tinder, the most prevalent white man is one that looks like an apartheid denialist that has a friend named Shipo and would call someone a kaffir in"rage." Too triggering. I would definitely, given the option, filter my swiping range to exclude yt mans.

Dog pictures
Goyz, I'm terrified of dogs. The probability of me having to meet someone's dog after a Tinder date is almost at zero but a picture of a dog in their profile has always made swipe left.

Kiss dogs in pictures 
(See the points above)

Post one blurry picture
Okay, what are we doing? What is the point of this profile existing with this picture you too while being whirled in the time travel warp? Why do you look like I've been spinning round and round?  

Forego the text
I'm sure you're hot but use your words. I've had to unmatch with so many men who've sent me "how are you doing" texts but had nothing beyond that. 

Try to be "clever" in their profiles
There's nothing I hate more than a "clever" guy. You are not funny. That's not your lane. Pick-up lines in your profile do not encourage me to swipe right. The "reviews" profile text mechanic was cute on the first profile I saw it on. Now it's just unoriginal and deeply embarrassing. "If you don't look like your profile, you're buying the drinks until you do" is not even in the neighbourhood of clever or funny.

 Post pictures of them with women or connect to their Instagram which is full of pictures with a woman
To be clear, I'm not saying they shouldn't do this or learn to lie better here. I'm saying maybe they shouldn't be on Tinder.

The top three men I automatically swipe past:
 1. Man in a suit
2. Man with dog(s)
3. Man in jeans that let me see his naked knee

I'm terrified of ya boys in suits because, statistically and anecdotally, they're out there doing too damn much in their relationships with women. I do not want my face to randomly meet a Crockett and Jones. Anyway, what would we even talk about? I'm scared of dogs, I'm not going to swipe right on a man who's so devoted to his dog he put on his profile. This is just me being petty. But also, Thabang, bruh, you can't be 28 and still be a career skr skr boy. Pliz.

2 comments

  1. The first time I joined tinder I *actively* looked for the race filter because why are the so many white men??? & I stay in Pretoria so the geographical algorithm means waaay too nah white men and I don't want. Then it's the shirtless black men with no bios or men in suits with no bios or the "sapiosexuals" who make me roll my eyes all the way to the back of my head because I already know they come with buckshot. Tinder is a hell hole. A time consuming, data chowing, very entertaining hell hole.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am church stomping in my heart (cos I'm at my desk) but YES! I can't believe I forgot the sapiosexuals!!!

    Thank you for sharing your experience. <3

    ReplyDelete

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